November 12, 2011

men are all the same

First of all, I'd like to say that I got an amazing response to the old-fashioned marriage post! Thank you so very much for sharing some of your thoughts on that one.  [Oh, and by the way, I highly recommend you read that post first if you haven't already].  I was actually quite surprised to realize there are so many people that think like I do.  It meant so much to me! 

I was thinking the other day about how independent and self-sufficient women have become. 

And I love that. 

See, I can't even picture a world in which women can't vote, study or work outside the house.  Women whose voices don't count for anything.  Women who don't even have basic control over what happens to their bodies.  And let's not forget life looks exactly like that for millions of women in many countries these days. 

I love that I was able to study and choose what I was going to major in.  I love that I can work, that I am the one who decides what to do with my life, even when I don't have the slightest idea of what is best for me.  I love that i can wear whatever i want, even if I look absolutely ridiculous in it.  And that nobody will ever tell me what I can or cannot wear. 

See, I grew up with all these things and I can only i.m.a.g.i.n.e what life must be like for millions of women that weren't so lucky as I was to be born an raised in a free country. 

Anyway, I read something on Facebook the other day that really caught my eye: some kind of passive-aggressive status update that you know is directed to someone in particular.  This girl was talking about men and how independent women scare the hell out of them.  Oh, you've probably heard stuff like that before: that men are ssscaaaared of independent women; that they are scared of commitment.  

Please don't hate me because of what I am about to say, but that's so Sex And The City!  (which, by the way, is the spitting image of most women nowadays).  Oh, they're so beautiful and so successful and so rich and intelligent...  They're feminists.  And independent.  Everybody wants to be like them.

But at the end of the day, these women are always looking for a nice and steady relationship, aren't they?  That's why they're so mad at men not wanting to commit.  They never seem to like when the guy doesn't call the next day.  They are not comfortable with the casual thing.  Not anymore. 

Because when women do it, it is okay.  But when men do it, it is not. - they're jerks.  And that's pretty unfair.

These women don't only want to be independent and self-sufficient financially.  It doesn't seem to be a matter of supporting themselves at all.  They just wish they were self-sufficient in their own relationships as well.  As if they were destined to fulfill some kind of prophecy.  As if they had in themselves alone the power to get revenge for centuries of humiliation women have suffered.  So they go from one extreme to another: from being self conscious to acting as if they were in charge.  But being equal is not the same as believing to be superior, is it? 

It's unbelievable how so many women say men are all the same. "Oh, they are such pigs and they don't take me seriously and bla bla bla".. Oh, come on! Really?? If you truly think so, will you please tell me why you keep expecting to find something different each time?

I can't stand generalizations. I just can't. 

So men are all the same.  Right.  Then you'll go on and on about how always end up doing the same things, how they always behave the same way, how they're only interested in sex...   (have you met that woman?)  And all of the sudden you're telling me all about your relationships: *you and John*, *you and Jack*, *you and Jim*... and how all of them had the same problems.  Not all men are alike. And it's not that hard to figure out the common denominator in all those dates. 

And that would be you.

I mean.. come on!  Not all men are alike.  Maybe the ones you go out with are.  Stop fooling yourself already!  Not all men are alike. 

Beware: I'm about to unveil the best kept secret ever just for you, darling.  Are you ready?  Sure?  Here it is: just like you, men are allowed to choose.  And,  just like you get to choose them, they get to choose you.  It is that simple.  Some women are good for one night and some are marriage material.  But you knew that already, didn't you?  (Remember: "Caesar's wife not only has to be virtuous, but seen to be virtuous").  And you may think it's unfair all you want.  But the fact is, at the end of the day, you just hate it that a) when it comes to commitment, men are a lot more picky than you are and b) they don't take you seriously.  So shake it off and move on - and start behaving like a respectful woman should, in case you're looking for a respectful man. If not, then keep doing whatever you're doing and you'll keep getting the same results each time.

So sad when I hear women say men are scared of independent women. Wake up, sister!  Men are not scared of independent women!  In fact, men are not at all scared of pretty much a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. that involves women.  

virtuous men are proud of their women.  Believe me.  They actually love and admire them for being strong, professional and independent. 

I once heard a very wise person say: are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?  Think about it.  So why don't we all start with a deep look in the mirror? 

become the kind of people you'd like to find and you will most certainly find them. 


  1. I love this! Have you heard about the secret of attraction? One of my favorite bloggers posted this a couple of days ago, and it's just about what you just wrote!

  2. I love this. Seriously.
    It is humbling, toe-stepping, and yet still honest and insightful.

    I'd so love for you to guest post for me one day!

  3. YES!!! You are so articulate and I completely agree with you. That ridiculous outlook is so "Sex and the city." I think it's more attractive for a woman to be respectful, confident, and ambitious. The kind of behavior we attract is a reflection on our own. Wish I had time to leave a longer comment, darling, but I don't! Keep it up! I love popping in!

  4. Well said! I think too often the "problem with men" is more a problem of how women view men and themselves. You touched on some great points!

  5. great read. all men are not alike. i have the Prince Charming and Knight in White Armor all wrapped in one. :)

  6. Thank you so much for stopping by, everyone! :P

    @britta, I'm so glad you liked it. I'd be honored to guest post for you - just send me an email:

    @Courtney: Thank you so much for your sweet words! Even small comments are a huge thing for me. They make my day :P

    @Karen: I'm so happy for you! We are both so lucky to have found a great man; it's such a blessing!

  7. Well written! I think women need to love and respect themselves first, that will attract someone that will love and respect them too.

  8. Great points all around. One must be respectable before one will be respected. The same applies to negative people who are shocked that there is so much negativity in their lives. Joy and goodness starts within.

  9. I love that you take risks and say what you really think! I agree with this (and the marriage post!) 100%.

  10. love!
    I love that quote you shared..."are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?" genius, i tell you.

    <3 Megan

  11. I agree not all men are the same and not all men are pigs, but I don't understand what you are trying to say to us single girls? That we are the reason we are single? That all single girls are of poorer character than girls in relationships? I do not agree with that because I know of many virtuous single gals that are looked over by guys because they don't put it all out there or flirt with anything that moves.

    Also I don't think men are scared of women that are strong and independent, but I do think good men are a little put off by women who may be more financially successful than they are. I think they have it ingrained in them to be the provider for the family and it is harder for them to accept a woman who makes more money than they do.

    Being single is HARD. Finding the right one is HARD. And you do get hurt a lot in the process. Give the single gals a little slack. Just because you were lucky enough to find your "one", doesn't mean that everyone else out there looking for theirs is bad or doing something wrong. We just weren't as lucky to find someone that fits with us yet.

    There is no formula to follow for finding the one. But just because we haven't yet doesn't mean we aren't already "the type of person we would want to be with".

  12. @Suz, thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate when people say what they think. I don't expect everybody to agree with me. See, I thought a lot about what @Melissa said before: that I take risks and say what I really think. I loved what she said because that's exactly what I'm trying to do here!

    I knew this one was a hard topic and that I was touching a very difficult matter here - just like the Old-fashioned Marriage post I wrote a few weeks ago. When I write a something, I read it several times before publishing it because I know, (just like in real life conversations) no matter how hard we try not to offend anybody, whenever we say exactly how we fell about a difficult topic, somebody is always going to be offended. I try not to ramble on too much on my posts to make them feel "deep", but just plain "clear" instead. So I apologize if I failed to deliver this message clearly...

    "That all single girls are of poorer character than girls in relationships?"
    Of course not. That would be the same as saying men are all the same. We are all single before we marry. And marriage doesn't necessarily make you a better person. I was trying to have a one-on-one talk with the woman that has heard so many times that all men are jerks, that she has come to believe it. The woman that does the exact same things she says she hates and tries to learn from magazines how to get a man to commit to her. The woman that is posting this kind of messages on Facebook so that she can hopefully get his attention.

    "Being single is HARD. Finding the right one is HARD. And you do get hurt a lot in the process."
    I've been there. And I never meant to make single girls feel bad about being single. In fact, it's so hard to find a great person that sometimes it can be frustrating. But don't take it personally, Suz. I was not saying everyone else is doing something wrong.

    Maybe we just have different viewpoints on this matter. I'm a very conservative person, Suz. That's probably why I write stuff like that anyway :P As Dave Ramsey says, I'm gonna say the same things my grandmother would; only I keep my teeth in. :)


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