old-fashioned marriage

I was talking with a colleague at work this morning and, though I don’t remember exactly how this topic was brought up, we started talking about commitment, marriage and how so many people were getting divorced these days. 

Anyway, she said, I guess the recession might be the cause of so many people getting divorced right now. You know, the economy is not as good it used to be, so people obviously fight a lot more about money than they used to and... well, if you're married and fight too much, then I think it's better to break up. I don't think marriage has to last forever and at least these days people can choose if they want to stay married or not. 

[This post is, basically, about what I told her and these are only a few thoughts on the matter.  I could ramble on forever about this topic, but I promise I’ll try to keep it brief and to the point.]

I watch the news. I know there are zillions of people getting divorced by the second. I also know that most of them now say that the number one cause of divorce was money fights and money problems. However, I think this whole thing is a lot more simple than that. I really think the problem is not the money or the lack of it. And it’s definitely not the recession.

it is a problem of definition.

See, i’m of the belief that when somebody has a problem, and this problem is shared with somebody else, it’s no longer a problem. It’s half a problem. When you have a husband or a wife, everything is supposed to be easier: shared blessings are sweeter and hardships lighter, especially financial problems. 

And i know I may be weird, because I see most people are so unbelievably selfish nowadays that they're not willing to share anything with each other, not even their own problems! They don’t solve their problems together as a couple anymore, they fight about them instead. Over and over again. 

Has anyone else noticed how nobody ever seems to make an effort to keep a relationship anymore? How nobody will try to make it work longer than a couple of months? People talk about their failed relationships as if they were a bunch of business ventures that didn't succeed, despite all the money they've thrown at it, but never their time. 

Well, 'if it is meant to be, it will be'. oh, please! seriously? Somebody has to wake these people up already! 

Then, it turns out they're all sad about how they just can't find the man or the woman that will commit to a relationship with them... despite all those books they've bought to try to figure out mars and venus and the whole freakin' galaxy...

I’m not saying I don’t recognize there are some cases where divorce is the only option: people love to go off on tangents saying how terrible it must be not to be able to get a divorce when you live under physical threats and abusive behavior... blah, blah. I'm not talking about that. Never was.

if what you’re saying is you are getting married with the possibility of parting ways somewhere down the line in your mind, and you choose to say those vows out loud... i mean, that says a lot about you then, doesn’t it?

Again, it is a problem of definition. If you want to engage in a relationship with somebody without all the attachments, the vows and everything, you can. But that's not marriage. It is something else. You may call it whatever you want: a joint venture, a civil union.. but it is definitely not marriage.

Marriage hasn’t got old. It is what it has always been. it hasn’t changed at all. you have. 

It only means you don’t like it, which is totally fine with me. 

source: photo